The Initiation of Andrew Mandy

If you’ve been to High School, heard about Camp Staaldraat or been on a road trip through the Transkei, then you’ll know that South Africans love initiation ceremonies. And the Maties Surf Team is no different.

Tradition has it that on one’s first USSA trip you are initiated by the senior team members. It’s not a nasty rugby initiation, featuring Deep Heat and physical humiliation. It’s a more playful initiation, featuring a pair of hair clippers and a noxious brew which is certain to have the newbies spewing chunks in the surf the next day. The beauty of the 2011 edition is that the club chairman, Andrew Mandy has confirmed that he will be making the trip to Vic Bay. And that means it’s initiation time for Mr Mandy.

Despite making the trip to the surf champs three times already, Andew has yet to be initiated. He dodged the clippers in 2009 and 2010 through his snaky lawyer speak, which employs the most circular logic and is sure to confuse most into submission. But this year is going to be different, he can’t fall back on the super supporters aren’t team members card, he’s the chairman and his appointment in the barber’s chair is booked. There’ll be no weaselling out of this one.

All that remains to be decided is the hair cut he’ll receive and in the interest of public participation I’d like to open up the floor to all Club members to have their say. The only prerequisites are that the initiate looks like a right chop for the duration of the event and that the cut is performed with the quintessential electric sheep shears.

Here are a few of my favourite options:
The Friar Tuck:
Bald on top and long on the sides. It’s a classic look and Andrew is Catholic which is an added bonus.
The Chess Board:
Like a chess board of alternating blocks of hair and shaven patches. It makes the essential task of applying sun cream to the bald spots nearly impossible but its hard work for the man behind the shears.
The Drunken Hack:
Let the clippers fall where they will and let the initiate suffer the consequences. Quick and easy with the sure-fire result of making the initiate look like a newly hatched eagle. It practically guarantees three days of hilarity at the wearer’s expense.

But don’t let my lack salon imagination hold you back. This is a public process so please use the comments section to offer your own unique suggestion for Andrew’s hair style.

With the initiation planned we need only discover which senior team member will be wielding the shears. And I have a sneaky feeling that they might be lining up to give Andrew’s locks the chop. Because anybody who knows Andrew will know that he won’t go down alone, which means that Ricki Allardice will be losing that dreadful mop of his too…